This might be the shortest review of all time.
The box was pretty. It opened with ease. It smelled nice and new. I held the device in my hand. It was heavier than I expected it would be. It shined in the mid-day sun as I rode down the highway in the passenger seat of my girl's car. The wind from the open window blew the fine scent of new plastics around the car. In admiration, we both stared at the technological wonder. Traffic had stopped abruptly and she noticed just in time. We came to a quick, screeching stop. In the commotion, my hands exploded outward to protect myself... not my iphone. The iphone was ejected from the car and into standing water beside the highway. If the lifespan of my baby can be calculated from the time the box was opened until irreparable damage was done...
R.I.P. sweet, shiny iphone
11/13/2007 3:47pm - 11/13/2007 3:49pm
More destroyed at this moment I could not be.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Legos Fucking Rule
After my last post, I feel compelled to write something less hateful. I remember being a little kid, secluded in my room, playing with legos. One time I built the Taj Mahal. It was tits. Anyway, this post is a tribute to legos. Right now I am going to EBay to look for some sweet legos. Maybe I will build the Taj Mahal again. If that happens, I'll put the pictures up here.
Carlos Mencia Sucks
Racial stereotypes are awesome, especially when comedians base their entire careers around them. Wow, that never gets old.
Hey Carlos Mencia fans, SPOILER ALERT: In this season Mind of Mencia, Carlos Mencia is going to tell us about how burritos give white people diarrhea and how that's SOOOO funny. "White people can't handle Mexican food." AH HA HA HA! That is so true, I can't handle it! He will also say some English words with a hilarious Mexican twist and the audience will piss their pants laughing about it. And during the commercial breaks, Comedy Central will air commercials for a Mexican rap artist's new CD, entitled, "They can't deport us all."
Carlos Mencia sucks a fat cock. I have a Mexican friend who talks frequently with me about why Mexicans can't be embraced by the United States. After watching Carlos Mencia do nothing but show everybody why they shouldn't be, I can understand why. Look, I'm all about celebrating differences, but running a highlighter over stereotypes isn't exactly celebrating anything. It's creating a bigger division, not bridging gaps. Fuck you Carlos Mencia and your lame ass brand of played-out, racialy-charged humor.
Hey Carlos Mencia fans, SPOILER ALERT: In this season Mind of Mencia, Carlos Mencia is going to tell us about how burritos give white people diarrhea and how that's SOOOO funny. "White people can't handle Mexican food." AH HA HA HA! That is so true, I can't handle it! He will also say some English words with a hilarious Mexican twist and the audience will piss their pants laughing about it. And during the commercial breaks, Comedy Central will air commercials for a Mexican rap artist's new CD, entitled, "They can't deport us all."
Carlos Mencia sucks a fat cock. I have a Mexican friend who talks frequently with me about why Mexicans can't be embraced by the United States. After watching Carlos Mencia do nothing but show everybody why they shouldn't be, I can understand why. Look, I'm all about celebrating differences, but running a highlighter over stereotypes isn't exactly celebrating anything. It's creating a bigger division, not bridging gaps. Fuck you Carlos Mencia and your lame ass brand of played-out, racialy-charged humor.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Apacoblog - You're gonna die anyway
11/3/07
Ok, listen. We're all going to die pretty soon. So me and all my stupid friends are partying like its the apocolypse. Apparently 2012 is when we're all going to die according to the Incans. So we're living like that's really gonna happen just in case it does. So I want you to do the same.... go to
APACOBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM
and post all your sweet tales from your sweet new life now that you know you're going to die pretty soon.
In other related news, they closed the pool at our apartment complex. Reaction: Are you fucking serious? This is obviously the apocolypse.
Jumbo
Ok, listen. We're all going to die pretty soon. So me and all my stupid friends are partying like its the apocolypse. Apparently 2012 is when we're all going to die according to the Incans. So we're living like that's really gonna happen just in case it does. So I want you to do the same.... go to
APACOBLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM
and post all your sweet tales from your sweet new life now that you know you're going to die pretty soon.
In other related news, they closed the pool at our apartment complex. Reaction: Are you fucking serious? This is obviously the apocolypse.
Jumbo
Guitar Hero III - Review
11/2/07
It's been almost a week since Guitar Hero III came out. Me and my wifey waited outside of Best Buy for an hour or so to get our filthy little hands on the new sweetness for our Xbox 360. After coming to a stalemate in the game, I feel a review is in order. Let's go...
Firstly, the game play is awesome. I'm a seasoned veteran of GH and I can safely say that this is the smoothest release yet, (Which makes sense now that Activision is on board). Hammer-ons and Pull-offs feel accurate and actually work well. The new battle and online modes are awesome. I get such gratification after owning someone online, and blame star power not activiating when I lose. I must say though, this GH is considerably harder than GH2. I'm at 38/42 songs on expert and cannot seem to get any further. Fuckin Metallica... anyway, let's move on...
The look of the game is excellent. I love the new visual elements they have added, such as the realism of the band playing and the cute scenes. The vocalist on stage appears to actually be singing the song, which is cool. The only complaint I have is that the 50, 100, 200, etc. note streaks pop up right in the middle of the screen and distract the hell out of my ownage.
Let us not forget the incredible song list. Holy cow. They take it a step further with the fact that most of the songs in the game are performed by the original artist. While it may not seem like it, that makes a huge difference.
All in all, Guitar Hero 3 does not disappoint whatsoever. It hits in every place that GH2 missed. If you are on the fence about getting GH3, do it. If for no other reason, get it for the online play. Just wait until you get into a battle with a smart ass little kid who says, "I'm gonna kick your ass noob," then you own him... Wow, the gratification. Especially after being called a fucking NOOB. God damn, I hate that. Anyway, get Guitar Hero 3 and rock it out.
Jumbo
P.S. Oh, and if you get the game and get online, my screen name is JumboMug. Let's battle. Unless you want to battle Dragon Force. In that case I would recommend getting a job and moving out of mom's basement.
It's been almost a week since Guitar Hero III came out. Me and my wifey waited outside of Best Buy for an hour or so to get our filthy little hands on the new sweetness for our Xbox 360. After coming to a stalemate in the game, I feel a review is in order. Let's go...
Firstly, the game play is awesome. I'm a seasoned veteran of GH and I can safely say that this is the smoothest release yet, (Which makes sense now that Activision is on board). Hammer-ons and Pull-offs feel accurate and actually work well. The new battle and online modes are awesome. I get such gratification after owning someone online, and blame star power not activiating when I lose. I must say though, this GH is considerably harder than GH2. I'm at 38/42 songs on expert and cannot seem to get any further. Fuckin Metallica... anyway, let's move on...
The look of the game is excellent. I love the new visual elements they have added, such as the realism of the band playing and the cute scenes. The vocalist on stage appears to actually be singing the song, which is cool. The only complaint I have is that the 50, 100, 200, etc. note streaks pop up right in the middle of the screen and distract the hell out of my ownage.
Let us not forget the incredible song list. Holy cow. They take it a step further with the fact that most of the songs in the game are performed by the original artist. While it may not seem like it, that makes a huge difference.
All in all, Guitar Hero 3 does not disappoint whatsoever. It hits in every place that GH2 missed. If you are on the fence about getting GH3, do it. If for no other reason, get it for the online play. Just wait until you get into a battle with a smart ass little kid who says, "I'm gonna kick your ass noob," then you own him... Wow, the gratification. Especially after being called a fucking NOOB. God damn, I hate that. Anyway, get Guitar Hero 3 and rock it out.
Jumbo
P.S. Oh, and if you get the game and get online, my screen name is JumboMug. Let's battle. Unless you want to battle Dragon Force. In that case I would recommend getting a job and moving out of mom's basement.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Why is everyone so down on Cavemen?
11/1/07
Ok, I'll admit that creating a TV series based on a TV commercial is lame, but that doesn't mean that the show itself will be. I watched the premier and subsequent episodes of ABC's Cavemen and I enjoyed myself. Admittedly, it isn't the funniest show I've ever seen, but, Jesus Christ, give it a chance. These fucking witch hunters wanted Cavemen's head before it even debuted. I think I know why. The sophisticated nature and dialogue of the characters feels as thought I am peering into my own life and set of friends. The show feels real. This nice change of pace from the normal ABC lineup is apparently just too much to swallow.
I'll give it to ABC, they know how to write drama. They get it. But funny... that's a whole other thing. ABC's new successful comedy is Samantha Who? Wow, is that a dog terd. But the reason it is successful is because it is what ABC viewers are akin to. They love the laugh-a-minute garbage that ABC is so qualified to deliver. Cavemen, a show that is a swift about-face from that kind of comedy is looked at as a bomb. These short-attention-spanned, no-sense-of-humor, lame ass ABC viewers are ruining cavemen. They tune in only to bash it. Leave the bastard alone. You are going to kill another could-be success story just like you killed Arrested Development and The Ben Stiller Show. You people just don't get it.
Leave Cavemen alone for a season and let it do something. If it flops, no big deal. But just let it go. ABC now has TWO HOURS a week dedicated to the reality shit that is Dancing With the Stars. You would think that one 30-minute spot a week could be given a runway on which to takeoff.
Jumbo
Ok, I'll admit that creating a TV series based on a TV commercial is lame, but that doesn't mean that the show itself will be. I watched the premier and subsequent episodes of ABC's Cavemen and I enjoyed myself. Admittedly, it isn't the funniest show I've ever seen, but, Jesus Christ, give it a chance. These fucking witch hunters wanted Cavemen's head before it even debuted. I think I know why. The sophisticated nature and dialogue of the characters feels as thought I am peering into my own life and set of friends. The show feels real. This nice change of pace from the normal ABC lineup is apparently just too much to swallow.
I'll give it to ABC, they know how to write drama. They get it. But funny... that's a whole other thing. ABC's new successful comedy is Samantha Who? Wow, is that a dog terd. But the reason it is successful is because it is what ABC viewers are akin to. They love the laugh-a-minute garbage that ABC is so qualified to deliver. Cavemen, a show that is a swift about-face from that kind of comedy is looked at as a bomb. These short-attention-spanned, no-sense-of-humor, lame ass ABC viewers are ruining cavemen. They tune in only to bash it. Leave the bastard alone. You are going to kill another could-be success story just like you killed Arrested Development and The Ben Stiller Show. You people just don't get it.
Leave Cavemen alone for a season and let it do something. If it flops, no big deal. But just let it go. ABC now has TWO HOURS a week dedicated to the reality shit that is Dancing With the Stars. You would think that one 30-minute spot a week could be given a runway on which to takeoff.
Jumbo
Family Guy... WTF Happened to You?
11/1/07
Family Guy sucks. It sucks dick, in fact. There was once a time, long, long ago, that Family Guy was a treat. It made me giggle. I was excited when it came on and I even set time aside to watch it every week. Much has changed. I began to ask myself, "Did Family Guy change, or did I?" Well, the answer is, we both did.
In season 2 of Family Guy, I really began to get into the whole concept. I loved Stewie, hated Meg, and tolerated Lois. But something started changing. That whole "like the time..." thing became more and more prevalent. Eventually, the show was just a series of meaningless cut-aways. True, they were funny at first, but grew to be lame. I found my Family Guy time was devoted to other things. I tuned in here and there, but I was mostly over it without even realizing it.
So, today, after months without new Family Guy, I watched an episode on Fox.com from October 7th. Holy shit, that was terrible. Lame doesn't begin to describe the lameness of that abortion. I can't believe how hard they are trying to be funny now. As I was watching this episode, I could almost smell the stale funk of the writer's lounge laden with the musk of lame cut-away joke after lame cut-away joke.
Family Guy, this is from someone who used to be a good friend, go back to simpler times. Take it easy. You don't have to push funny on a show like this. Carpoolers, King of Queens, Yes, Dear, these are shows require funny to be pumped into their lifeless bodies on the operating table... not you. You were an empire; a beacon of light in a sea of terrible shit. I can only hope that the shit sea spits you back out and you reclaim your former glory.
Jumbo
Family Guy sucks. It sucks dick, in fact. There was once a time, long, long ago, that Family Guy was a treat. It made me giggle. I was excited when it came on and I even set time aside to watch it every week. Much has changed. I began to ask myself, "Did Family Guy change, or did I?" Well, the answer is, we both did.
In season 2 of Family Guy, I really began to get into the whole concept. I loved Stewie, hated Meg, and tolerated Lois. But something started changing. That whole "like the time..." thing became more and more prevalent. Eventually, the show was just a series of meaningless cut-aways. True, they were funny at first, but grew to be lame. I found my Family Guy time was devoted to other things. I tuned in here and there, but I was mostly over it without even realizing it.
So, today, after months without new Family Guy, I watched an episode on Fox.com from October 7th. Holy shit, that was terrible. Lame doesn't begin to describe the lameness of that abortion. I can't believe how hard they are trying to be funny now. As I was watching this episode, I could almost smell the stale funk of the writer's lounge laden with the musk of lame cut-away joke after lame cut-away joke.
Family Guy, this is from someone who used to be a good friend, go back to simpler times. Take it easy. You don't have to push funny on a show like this. Carpoolers, King of Queens, Yes, Dear, these are shows require funny to be pumped into their lifeless bodies on the operating table... not you. You were an empire; a beacon of light in a sea of terrible shit. I can only hope that the shit sea spits you back out and you reclaim your former glory.
Jumbo
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